apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
