couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
