20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
