too bad you live with your parents still
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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