You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
