Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
