I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
