When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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