end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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