Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
