last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
