omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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