i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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