i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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