i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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