you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
