i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
