Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There r osticjed everywhere
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
