Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
