So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well you can't waste a boner
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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