I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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