mondays should just be called national damage control day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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