I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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