We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am available for nakedness
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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