someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
