Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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