imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
