Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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