An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
