If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
