I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
