We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
