i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
