I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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