I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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