woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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