Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
