Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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