i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
