Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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