i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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