i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
