Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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