The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
