well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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