The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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