just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
