I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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