Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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