...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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