I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
