some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
