look no pants
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
