Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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