we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this just has baby written all over it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
