I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just took my morning after pill in the library
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
