There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
