I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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