false alarm. still invincible.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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