the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
