My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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